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Español: Violencia de género (Violencia doméstica)

In a recent conversation, I was told that woman have ways to make their partners violent towards them. This person actually said to me that men are pushed into hitting women, “I know exactly what they do.”

I cannot stress enough to those who are victims of domestic violence; THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE SOMEONE VIOLENT AND VICTIMS DO NOT DESERVES TO GET THE HELL BEAT OUT OF THEM!

Abusers are sick and disturbed people who are very good at manipulation and imposing fear. They are so good at it, one could call it a gift. They don’t just physically abuse their partner and sometimes children, they psychologically damage them. And it can happen to anyone.

A little girl does not make use of her time daydreaming about spending her life with a monster that mirrors the man her mother married. She doesn’t want to be tortured by the one person who has sworn to love her more than anyone else. Children who grow up in violent homes, daydream about escaping and living a beautiful, self-sustaining life. Unfortunately, without “normal” life skills, those girls often end-up in what appears to be the same hopeless situation as their mother.

At first life is fun and exciting with him. He puts her on a pedestal praising her above all others. He’s cool and likable by all who meet him and he’s chosen her to spend his life with. With lifelong self-esteem issues, she takes his praise and runs away with him honestly believing he’s her knight in shinning armor.

Life is good for a while, one can almost call it fairy-tale like. But as we all know, a fairy-tale is not real. It’s make-believe and these horrors are anything but made up. When life situations interrupt their imaginary happiness, chaos turns paradise into a living hell.

The first time it happens he’s convinced her that it will never happen again. She tries over and over to figure out what happened. He hugs her tight to his chest whispering through tears about how sorry he is and swears on the moon and stars that it will never happen again. Playing on her insecurities, he reminds her that there is no one else who cares about her. Even uses, “Your parents don’t even want you, but I do. I love you.”

Convinced this was his one and only episode that will never happen again, she stays. After assessing the damage, she believes that the  small bruises and sore spots are no big deal. After all, it’s not like he punch her. He just grabbed her arms and threw her around a bit than pushed her through a door.

Cycle of Abuse WheelAs time goes on, the violence gets worse. She’s pushed, has things thrown at her, spit on, jerked around by her hair, body slammed, doused with water, and raped. She wears clothing that covers the bruising. Consistently she calls in sick for work and breaks all communication with friends and family because every-time she leaves the house she’s accused of having affairs.

He tells her to just stop making him so mad. Other people don’t dare treat him the way she does and he wouldn’t act like that if she’d only stop forcing him to do so. One minute she’s told  that he should take everything and abandon her, then the next he threatens that if she tries to leave he will hunt her down. Alone and scared, she tries her damnedest to behave but eventually he beats her putting her in the hospital, forced to file a police report.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and many other studies world-wide, boys who witness men beating their mother are twice as likely to abuse woman they are intimate with and up to sixty percent of those abusing their partner will also abuse the children. Girls raised in this environment statistically end up with the same living conditions as their mother.

As mention above, children raised in this environment know very little about healthy relationships. As adults, it’s learned that behavior such as domestic abuse is wrong. But once you’re in a committed relationship, it seems nearly impossible to escape.

Below are some startling facts about domestic abuse:

  • According to the CDC, one scientific study from 1991 through 1999 deemed homicide as the leading cause of injury deaths for pregnant and postpartum women.
  • Abusers use violence as means of domination and control. They don’t play fair and will do anything to make you submit. Abusive partners will intimidate you, hurt you, and hurt those you care about including animals.
  • 1.3 million women are reported to fall victim to domestic violence every year.
  • Less than one-fifth report being abused. Domestic violence is one of the most unreported crimes.

Domestic violence is a serious crime not only against the victim, but everyone involved. There are many case studies, statistics, and stories made available to the public. If you or someone you know is in danger, please get help. It could be a matter of life or death.

Need crisis services for yourself or others?

(Organización Línea Nacional de Información sobre Violencia Doméstica)

Phone Number 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1-800-787-3224 TTY for the

Deaf, Deaf-Blind and Hard of Hearing

Assistance through e-mail at ndvh@ndvh.org

Crisis intervention and referrals to the Deaf through the TTY line and e-mail at deafhelp@ndvh.org)

Volunteers and Advocates for this hotline have access to over 139 languages.

  • Organizations offering services for clinicians and others involved in preventing violence against women of reproductive age:
  1. Physician’s for a Violence-Free Society
  2. Family Violence Prevention Council (use google search with your state of residency)
  3. American Nurses Association
  4. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
  5. American College of Nurse Midwives
  • Other resources beneficial to women:
  1. Family and Intimate Violence Prevention
  2. National Women’s Health Information Center
  3. HelpGuide.org

Deep in Me

A poem by my 10-year-old daughter Izabella Toney.

Izabella 2013

Izabella 2013

You were the one who me when I cried.

You were the one who taught me everything when I died.

You were the one who made me happy when I sighed.

You were the one who told me stories, but you lied!

You didn’t just kill me because you wanted to.

You killed just so I would did for you!

You didn’t love me just because you didn’t make cringe.

You loved me just because saw me do all my sins!

You made me a murderer not a savior.

Now I torture people and yank their tears.

Breast cancer awareness

They are wives, mothers, daughters, and friends. They’re the ones who guide tiny hands until they are bigger than her own. They are the glue that keep families together and every year more than 190,000 of them die of breast cancer.

Women.

One of Gods most beautiful creatures that has ever graced the earth. Keepers of all that’s sacred in this world and one in eight are affected by this terrible and often fatal disease.

According to the American Cancer Society, breast cancer is a malignant tumor that starts in the cells of the breast. This group of cancer cells can invade surrounding tissues or spread (metastasize) to other areas of the body. The disease occurs almost solely in women, but men can also acquire it.

As the Race for the Cure is once again upon us, I considered it appropriate to use this as an opportunity to educate. If you know someone who could use this information, please by all means pass it along. A little awareness can go a long way.

  • SELF EXAM.

Breast self-examination http://ehp.niehs.nih.g...

Every woman has the capability to detect the early stages of breast cancer. Catching it as early as possible is the key to survival. Nearly forty percent of all detection has been from self-examination.  Here are five steps of a breast exam from breastcancer.org:

  1. Stand in front of a mirror with arms at your side and visually look for any changes. Now, raise your arms and look for the same changes.
  2. While you’re at the mirror, look for any signs of fluid coming out of one or both nipples such as a watery, milky, or yellow fluid or blood.
  3.  Feel your breasts while lying down, using your right hand to feel your left breast and then your left hand to feel your right breast. Use a firm, smooth touch with the first few finger pads of your hand, keeping the fingers flat and together. Use a circular motion, about the size of a quarter.
  4. Cover the entire breast from top to bottom, side to side — from your collarbone to the top of your abdomen, and from your armpit to your cleavage. Follow a pattern to be sure that you cover the whole breast. You can begin at the nipple, moving in larger and larger circles until you reach the outer edge of the breast. You can also move your fingers up and down vertically, in rows, as if you were mowing a lawn. This up-and-down approach seems to work best for most women. Be sure to feel all the tissue from the front to the back of your breasts.  For the skin and tissue just beneath, use light pressure.  Use medium pressure for tissue in the middle of your breasts. Firm pressure for the deep tissue in the back. When you’ve reached the deep tissue, you should be able to feel down to your rib cage.
  5. Finally, feel your breasts while you are standing or sitting. Many women find that the easiest way to feel their breasts is when their skin is wet and slippery, so they like to do this step in the shower. Cover your entire breast, using the same hand movements described in Step 4.

It’s necessary for women to self exam once a month for prevention’s sake. No matter what it takes for you to remember; the buddy system, your birth control pill calendar, Google Calendar with an alarm to your smart phone, or exert it as an excuse for play time with your significant other. Just get it done. Remember, no one knows your body better than you do. If you notice any changes and you’re not certain about them, consult a doctor.PHYSICAL EXAMS

Womenshealth.gov states that from the age of twenty-one,  you should see your gynecologist for an exam every two years. Not only does the doctor examine your breast to help prevent breast cancer, pap smears and pelvic exams are women’s number one defense against other forms of feminine cancers and diseases. Your gynecologist will check your breast in the same manner that you do once a month and will also instruct you how to properly examine for growths.

Talk to your doctor about any concerns that you may have and be honest when he ask you a question. There is nothing you can tell the doctor that will come as a surprise as they have seen and heard it all. Determine your risk factors and learn what symptoms to watch for.

The Mayo Clinic has a list of risk factors to take into consideration:

  1. Being female. Women are much more likely than men are to develop breast cancer.
  2. Increasing age. Your risk of breast cancer increases as you age. Women older than fifty-five have a greater risk than younger women.
  3. A personal history of breast cancer. If you’ve had breast cancer in one breast, you have an increased risk of developing cancer in the other breast.
  4. A family history of breast cancer. If you have a mother, sister or daughter with breast cancer, you have a greater chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer. Still, the majority of people diagnosed with breast cancer have no family history of the disease.
  5. Inherited genes that increase cancer risk. Certain gene mutations that increase the risk of breast cancer can be passed from parents to children. The most common gene mutations are referred to as BRCA1 and BRCA2. These genes can greatly increase your risk of breast cancer and other cancers, but they don’t make cancer inevitable.
  6. Radiation exposure. If you received radiation treatments to your chest as a child or young adult, you’re more likely to develop breast cancer later in life.
  7. Obesity. Being overweight or obese increases your risk of breast cancer because fat tissue produces estrogen that may help fuel certain cancers.
  8. Beginning your period at a younger age. Beginning your period before age twelve increases your risk of breast cancer.
  9. Beginning menopause at an older age. If you began menopause after age fifty-five, you’re more likely to develop breast cancer.
  10. Having your first child at an older age. Women who give birth to their first child after age thirty-five may have an increased risk of breast cancer.
  11. Postmenopausal hormone therapy. Women who take hormone therapy medications that combine estrogen and progesterone to treat the signs and symptoms of menopause have an increased risk of breast cancer.
  12. Drinking alcohol. Drinking alcohol increases the risk of breast cancer. Experts recommend no more than one alcoholic beverage a day for women.

Of course these factors change as scientists do more research, so it’s best to check  for updates every so often. Again, open and honest communication with your doctor can save your life.

Some agencies offer free yearly and breast exams such as Planned Parenthood. October is breast cancer awareness month and many other agencies also offer free breast screening. A great place to start is your local news or internet search.

According to the Mayo Clinic staff, A mammogram is an x-ray image of your breast used to screen for breast cancer.

English: Naval Medical Clinic Pearl Harbor, Ha...

Mammograms play a key role in early breast cancer detection and help decrease breast cancer deaths.

During a mammogram, your breasts are compressed between two firm surfaces in order to spread out the breast tissue. Then an x-ray captures black-and-white images of your breasts that a doctor uses to detect changes and cancer.

Steps to get a mammogram listed in a downloadable PDF from Susan G. Komen Atlanta:

  1. Choose a certified facility. Look for the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) certificate and accreditation by the American College of Radiology (ACR).
  2. Pick a good time. A mammogram may be uncomfortable if you have sensitive breasts. If you are menstruating, plan to have your mammogram the week after your period, when your breasts are less tender.
  3. Gather your information. When you make your appointment, there will be a list of questions for you to answer such as personal history of breast cancer, family history of breast cancer, current breast problems, past breast surgery, the date(s) of your past mammogram(s). During your visit, be sure to ask about how and when you will get your results, and when you need to come back.
  4. Know what to expect. During a mammogram your breast is pressed between two plastic plates in at least two views. These plates flatten the breast tissue so that a good picture is taken. This will not harm your breast. Although it may be uncomfortable, it should not hurt. Be sure to tell the technologist if the pressure becomes painful.
  5. Come prepared. Wear a shirt that you can take of easily. If you use deodorant, talcum powder or lotion on your breasts or underarms you will be asked to remove it before your mammogram. If you have had a past mammogram at a different facility, obtain and bring your past X-rays with you. If you cannot bring the X-rays with you, provide the name and address of the facility where X-rays were taken.
  6. Get your results. If you do not get your results within two weeks call your doctor or the mammography facility. Don’t assume your results are normal is you have not gotten them.
  7. Talk with your doctor about your results. If your mammogram shows anything unusual, talk with your doctor about what to do next. Ask if your mammogram results indicate that you have dense breast tissue. If so, discuss what this means for you and what, if anything, you should do next.

A mammogram can be used either for screening or for diagnostic purposes. How often you should have a mammogram depends on your age and your risk of breast cancer.

Women over forty should have a mammogram every one to two years dependent upon their risk factors. If your breasts are too dense, your doctor can order a digital screening such as an ultrasound or MRI. Keep in mind that these test are not always full proof. Mammograms can miss up to twenty percent of breast cancer that simply is just not visible. However, these tests are the best tools for an accurate diagnosis that doctors have today.

According to breastcancer.org, detection by mammograms has shown the risk of dying from breast cancer lowered by thirty-five percent. Mammograms can detect tumors missed by self-examinations and the earlier breast cancer is diagnosed, the higher a woman’s mortality rate.

  • EDUCATION

Learn what to expect from exams, tests, detection, and treatment. If a tumor is suspected your doctor might order a biopsy. According to the American Cancer Society, about one in ten who have a mammogram will require more tests. Only eight to ten percent of these women will need a biopsy, and about eighty percent of these biopsies will turn out to be noncancerous. It’s normal to worry if you get called back for more testing, but try not to assume the worst until you have more information.

Nutrition and exercise also play an important part in your body’s health. There’s a lot of information out there, it’s important to research and obtain the correct information regarding nutrition facts. A great place to start is the John Hopkins Breast Center. Here you will find information regarding consultations, guidelines, and myths. And as always, maintaining a healthy body weight with regular exercise has many health benefits such as lower risk for heart disease, and diabetes.

You are the only person who can decide to take care of your body, breast included. In an age of information at ones fingertips, there truly are no excuses about how to better your health. Early detection of breast cancer not only can save your life, it can prevent major surgery and pain and suffering.

Use the links in this article to help educate yourself. There are also other valuable links listed below.

Women’s Breast Health by Mayo Clinic Staff

Cancer Treatment Centers of America

Women’s Health at WebMD

National Breast Cancer Foundation, INC

Women’s Health Services

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Susan G. Komen

Breast Cancer Awareness

Cipher

At The Edge Of Nothingness

Brooches decorate though not flatter,

Even less than the krone.

Tossed away broken no chooser to single me out,

Used as beech my heart taken by a rook.

Heartbreak comes as no shocker,

By those settled up on the knobs.

The core of my existence shattered,

No hero but in a story book that neither cheers nor saves.

Head bows as the censer is prepared,

No screen for protection as my soul suffers.

You

The Great Day of His Wrath

Neglected I always lose
Never…Unaware of hate I’ve not succeeded
Outside uncertain, do I stop?
Your constitution is crying from you
Listen you, why am I to commendate?
We are measured to be different
Not now, you won’t ever unmanage
That affair doesn’t extinguish you

You are the one who dismissed your departure
You are the one who couldn’t last
You disbelieve that death’s pushed into me
You disbelieve that happiness is fixed from me

Never you can’t always listen
You’ve lost nothing foremost me
This is the consequence, I just answer and reply
For this compliment to escape you
Hear me, why are you to criticize?
Aren’t we acquainted to be inconsistent?
It is assumed, you will always be unruly
That faithfulness is cold to you?

You are the one who rejected my escape
You are the one who can bolt
You touch the inanimacy that’s assaulted me
You discredit the anger permanently fixed

Protected
You discount inappropriately all to be free
You loosely tried
I did my time
You failed and rejected me
You gave up your future
You neglected your present
You lost your future

You are the one who dismissed your divergence
You are the one who withdrew first
You let go the intimacy forced from me
You cower to contentment

Reaction

It starts with her beauty in my eyes, it moves...

My hand set upon the hardness of him,

Feeling the rock like mass under his jeans.

Our eyes meet,

A smile discovered upon his lips.

What he wants is of no consequence,

My body has already said yes.

Big strong hand grasping mine,

Leads us into temptation.

His lips are sweet and great,

I am lost in him.

Ideas of redemption are absent,

Following beside him guided on a path.

Destination self destruct is our course,

But it feels like paradise.

Allure of sex overwhelms every sense that should rectify,

Right or wrong matters not anymore.

He wants me.

He wants me.

Sealed together our bodies mold into one,

Lips on lips and skin on skin.

Fingers that send one into mental blankness,

No breath to take as it’s escaped.

Fire blazes throughout the course of my entire body,

He enters and the universe becomes all colorful.

Hours pretend to be days that go by and by,

Pleasure inundates again and again.

Relinquishing all known for pleasure beyond perception,

Taken harder while his name escapes my lips.

Commanding a release,

A release I cannot deny nor would I want to.

Madness settles still pleased all the same,

Nil regrets shadow what’s missing.

Memories happily carried by no one except me,

Days bearable with simple recognition.

He wants me.

He wants me.

Used to be

loneliness

 

wish         someone
I wish
love

 

used to be someone

 

loved

 

                            frozen
ghosts
crawl

 

wish                          something
Please                                              better

 

                                             more
loneliness

 

feel
steal
Abduct, corrupt

 

loneliness

 

                  silence         lonely
silence         lonely
Who knows
hearing             me
hearing             me
Go home

 

Cause  freaks                          tonight
packed up

 

I wish                      something
better
I wish

 

I could feel
And
Abduct  , corrupt   ,                never
It’s just saturated loneliness

 

                                            cold
old

 

                      I wish

 

But I never can
I never can
Never
Never
Can

 

 

Darby Marioth

Original pieces of literature written by an 18 year old male living in Portland, Oregon.

FIND YOURSELF HERE LTD.

Motivation for the nation

Poems & People

what if words could be symphonies, and people the orchestra?

Randall Dean Scott

OFFENDING THE WORLD ONE WORD AT A TIME. – THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. ANY RESEMBLANCE OF CHARACTERS TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

Salsachica's Ramblings

A place to share a chica's thoughts about food, life and music

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